The One Small Action That Helped Me Pivot From Being Reactive to Being Present

What is one thing you would say to help the mother who feels overwhelmed and needs a word of encouragement right now?

The other day I was doing a podcast interview and was asked this question. Today, I opened Facebook and saw a similar question asked in a group full of entrepreneurs. So being me, of course, I thought this is a great topic for a blog post.

The one thing I would tell a mother (or anyone really) who feels overwhelmed, like life is a lot right now, and like you are constantly falling short, is to pause. Pause. Intentionally.

The biggest pivot in my healing was one of the smallest things I did. But I did it intentionally and I did it consistently. I paused.

Every pause did two important things for me, and it can do the same for you. It helped me take control of my body in the moment, and it helped me take control of my mind. By something as simple as breathing, and something as simple as speaking truth over myself.

But simple is not the same as easy. So let me break it down a little more and explain how each of these actions has worked over time.

How the Pause Helped Me Take Control of My Nervous System

It started small. In moments when I felt my emotions starting to take over, I would raise my hand, close my eyes, and take a deep breath. In front of my kids if needed. In the middle of a conversation with my husband if needed.

Because let’s be honest, moms, a lot of times we feel the most pressure inside our own homes, in relation to the people we love the most. And that is why it can feel so heavy and so confusing.

I would say out loud, “I just need a moment.”

This is a powerful phrase. It signaled to the other person that I was not ignoring them. And more importantly, it signaled to myself that I was not abandoning myself either.

I would excuse myself from the situation and go into another room. I would take deep breaths, counting four in and eight out, with a pause in between each breath. What this did was signal to my nervous system that I was safe.

If you think about it, when we get scared or nervous, our breathing becomes faster and more shallow. Our heart rate rises. We go into survival mode. By contrast, when we take deep, long, and paused breaths, our nervous system understands this as safety. There is no need to get ready to fight for our life.

On a deeper level, a situation like a child not listening is not a life or death situation, but our nervous system does not know that. Once triggered, it reacts the same way to perceived danger as it would to actual danger.

An example from my own life illustrates this clearly.

One of my biggest triggers used to be someone not answering when I talked to them. And if you are a mom, you know all too well what kids often do when they are wrapped up in something. They do not answer. It is the most normal, childlike behavior.

Logically, I knew this.

Yet in the moment, when I was trying to talk to my child, whether calling them by name or speaking to them, and they did not answer, it would signal to my inner child that this was a dangerous situation. I had been abandoned as a baby, and now here I was, adult Amanda, being ignored by someone I loved.

This felt all too familiar to my inner child. Young Amanda believed she had to do everything in her power to be recognized, heard, and seen. Even if that meant raising my voice at my five-year-old daughter.

Learning what was actually going on, and learning how to pause in those moments, helped me understand my reactions instead of shaming myself for them. It allowed me to stay present, honor my own emotions, reframe the situation, and remain present with both myself and my daughter.

How the Pause Helped Me Speak Truth Over Myself

In the moments when I could get a little time alone, most likely locked in the bathroom for a minute or two, I would add words of truth to my breathing to help anchor myself.

When we get thrown into survival mode and our fight or flight response takes over, it is as if our body and mind are lying to us, signaling danger in a situation that is not actually dangerous or life threatening. If we never understand why or how this happens, chances are we will feel heaviness afterward, along with shame or guilt for not handling the situation better.

Knowing the lies that are at work in us when we feel overwhelmed helps us remind ourselves of the truth.

So I would take a moment and speak phrases over myself that helped calm my mind and signal safety to my nervous system:

“You are safe.”“You are loved.”“You are okay.”

Think about what you would say to a child who is spiraling in a moment that feels overwhelming to them, but that you, as an adult with more perspective, can see will pass.

You could tell them to suck it up, that it is not a big deal, and that they are being silly. You might even be right. But would it help?

What they most likely need in that moment is reassurance. To know they are loved. To know their emotions are allowed. To know they are not alone. All of that equals safety to the nervous system.

That does not change as we grow up.

As adults, we need the same thing. Especially if we did not receive it as children.

Some of us are learning how to reparent ourselves while parenting our own children. It can be heavy work. It can be emotional. But it is also deeply healing.

How You Can Try This, Starting Today

This is something you can learn over time, but start small. At first, even recognizing that you are feeling overhelm might be a win. Becoming aware of what is going in on is really the first step in all of this.

The next time you feel yourself tightening, reacting, or spiraling, pause. Take a breath. Give yourself a moment. It can be 30 seconds of just pausing.

Speak truth over yourself before you speak to anyone else.

This one small action changed everything for me over time. Not because it made life easier, but because it helped me stay present instead of reactive.

And presence changes how we show up for ourselves, for our children, and for the people we love most.

Courage, Love and Blessings, Always

Amanda Medina

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